My Life is In Shambles

Thanks to my haircut, I'm going through a quarter-life crisis. I thought I was mentally capable of cutting my hair and feeling like a new person. The only problem with having a body like a boy and then cutting my hair like a boy is that... I feel like a freaking boy! When I decided to cut my hair, I thought it would accentuate my awkwardness in a good way. The only thing it has done has caused me to start dressing even more boyish than usual and completely giving up on looking attractive. Seriously, I'm in a sweater with a button up denim shirt underneath today. The sweater is size 12, and I'm pretty sure I had my tag sticking out the majority of the day. Oh lord.

Now I pass my days missing the following:

- Wearing large buns on top of my head

- Side braids

- Whipping my hair to the infamous Willow Smith song

- Hearing references to my overall look and Pocahontas

- Using my hair as a way to get away with never wearing bras

- Going days without brushing/washing my hair and nobody noticing

My words of advice for today are think things through before you actually do something LIFE changing. My hair was a security blanket I thought I was mentally prepared to shed, but BOY was I wrong. RIP long hair. You are being dearly missed.

BTW This HelloGiggles article has nothing to do with this post, but it's brilliant and the story of my life: http://hellogiggles.com/single-girls-guide-i-got-99-probs

Images of women able to pull of short hair and still look attractive (Hint, they aren't me):

Manswers

I have a very specific type. VERY specific. I have yet to find the guy that matches my specifications which could be the reason I'm still single? I feel like I'll just know when I see him and then we will fall in love and live happily ever after. The reason I think these absurd things is because of Disney, and I still blame them for putting these thoughts in my head. Below is my list of the perfect man:

1. Tall

2. Bearded (no not a full bushy beard, just a good deal of scruff)

3. Dark hair preferred, but I will also date blondes on occasion.

4. Impeccable style. He can dress himself in a way that throwing on jeans and a tee shirt looks like the greatest outfit ever invented.

5. Tattoos. This one is optional, but doesn't hurt.

6. Funny. Obviously I want him to have a great sense of humor but not in the way that he's trying to hard to be funny. So annoying.

7. Close with his family. This goes without explaining.

8. Extremely intelligent. I don't want to be mentally correcting his grammar every time we hang out.

9. Likes cuddling and holding hands. Both of my previous boyfriends loathed hand holding, one even referred to it as being on a leash. Rude!

10. Original. I want to meet someone who isn't like anyone else I've ever met.

11. Up for fun/interesting dates. I want someone who wants to try new restaurants, go to flea markets, take random trips.

12. Occasional cig smoker. Yeah I know it's bad for his health, but I find it very attractive. Sue me.

13. Wears glasses once in awhile. With thick rims. Yum.

I probably just need to date Joseph Gordon Levitt. If you guys see him out and about, go ahead and give him my number.

Fat and Happy

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I now know what it feels like to have pie as a main food group for a four day period. What's for breakfast? Pie. Lunch? Pie. I am now sweating pumpkin from my pores, so that's an attractive look for me. But the tight pants are totally worth it because I had such a kick ass break.

It was relaxing and super low key, I was able to catch up with my sister and mom the whole weekend which was amazing. We went out early Friday morning to drink coffee and watch the crazies fight each other in the local Walmart for the best "deals" of the season. I wanted to get a memory foam mattress topper for my shit shit shitty bed, but clearly by the time we got there, the vultures had taken them all away. The best find in the uber trashy crowd at the Walmart was found by my sister: A woman smoking a smokeless cigarette waiting in line to buy toys for her 15 children. The entire line at Walmart reeked of body odor and sweat.

Oh how I missed the Midwest.

How was everyone's break? Do you have a major food hangover like I do? I don't think I can face another piece of pie for a full year.

Outfit inspiration: Giant Sweaters a la Sandra Bullock in While You Were Sleeping (AKA my winter uniform.

Heading Home

It's already 2 days away from Thanksgiving, and I could not be more excited about heading home. For some reason (the food), Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays. Clearly any holiday that revolves around a huge delicious meal will always come at the top of my favorites lists.

As I mentioned before, tradition is huge for me. So this year I will be partaking in all of my favorite T-giving traditions. Starting with Black Wednesday, where my dearest friends and I head out on the "town" (our hometown) to get completely plastered and rehash all of the times we got drunk in high school and talk about who's pregnant from our graduating class(it's a blast, don't knock it 'til you've tried it.)

Then early Thursday morning, I drive (hungover as shit) home to watch the Thanksgiving Day Parade with my family. My mom is always in a frenzied but good mood getting all of the food prepared and I help like I'm 5 years old, chopping up onions and taste testing everything. Once the whole family arrives, we DIG into that feast. Clearly, I'm decked out in my finest sweatsuit ensemble. After the feast, I stretch out on the couch watching my favorite holiday movie and look through the ads to figure out what I should blow my money on for Black Friday. Then obvi, Black Friday I'll be "waking up" around 11 (pm) to head out to watch the crazy people fight for electronics while I sip my coffee and buy cheap underwear and towels.

Aren't you glad you know about my traditions?!? I know you are. Below are some outfits that are stewing in my head for my night out with the girls on Wednesday. I'll see you guys next Monday!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Show me some turkey

Flying out in exactly 24 hours for home. Couldn't be more stoked. Clearly I have a million things before I hop on the plane tomorrow which is why this is a sorry excuse for a post. I'll shoot to have a longer one up tomorrow!

Fryday.

Oh no, guys. Today I had a startling revelation. Okay, actually it has been creeping into my mind lately, but I tried to push it away. I can't any longer. I have something to admit. I. Hate. The. Tribal. Trend. As with what I posted about yesterday, I change my mind about what I like ALL the damn time. One day I love flowy skirts, the next day all I want is a structured pant and so on. I'm constantly changing my mind. But recently, I have noticed that the tribal, bohemian trend just pisses me off. I straight up hate it.

BUT I think I will keep the name of my blog intact. I mean, I still love everything vintage. So that part still holds true. And I still have a tribal print oversized cardigan that I love more than any other piece in my wardrobe. And it's vintage. Ok you're right, I need a new blog name. That's where you guys come in, what's a good blog name that would make sense for this blog?? Or should I just keep it the same? I know you're all dying to give me your ideas, so I'm excited to hear them.

On a side note, IT'S FRIDAY!! YAHOO!! Aren't you so excited that it's the weekend? Even though I'm hungover as shit today, I'm still pumped for this weekend. I have tons of stuff to take care of before I fly out on Tuesday night when I fly HOME for THANKSGIVING (my favorite Holiday. Duh.)

And without more ado, Random Fact Friday ensues:

1. I have boy size fingernails. They are not attractive, but they look worse when I don't gnaw on them and grow them out.

2. Twizzlers are my addiction. I have a bag a week. A family size bag.

3. I hate bras. They are restricting and unnecessary.

4. I look horrible in hats. Learned that the hard way today, by wearing a hat.

5. I love oversized sweaters. I have 20, and I'm just going to keep wearing them all winter.

Now everyone go get drunk! (This post is dedicated to Ali. My blog's number one fan.)

Hair Changes on the Horizon

As most of you know, I chopped off about 10 inches of hair from my head a few months ago. I still have a hard time remembering that my hair is short. I cut all of my hair off because I was mega-bored with my long hair. And now, I'm mega bored with my short hair! I have a short span of being interested in most things, which is why I'm single and only like an outfit if it's brand new. Once I wear it, I no longer have any interest in wearing it again. I guess you can say the same for men.

But yeah, new hairdo/color is coming up this Saturday! Yay! I think I'm going to go back to the ombre look with lighter tips. And maybe some layers? Not quite sure, but I'll let you guys know how it goes. Hopefully it won't be too traumatizing.

Blue is the new Black

Lately I've become obsessed with everything cobalt blue. I want a bright blue purse, pants, shoes and dress. No, of course I wouldn't wear them all together, that would be hideous. If I had to just pick one, I would pick the purse and expand from there.

Sorry for the short post, had a busy ass day and I'm ready to go home and pop open a bottle of wine and watch some Christmas movies. You should all go do the same.