Tis' the Season to be Slutty

After a whirlwind trip home to see my besties and family, I'm shocked that Halloween is over, and I'm ready for the Holidays to get here already! Can you guys believe its already November? I can't believe after just getting back, I'm heading back in 14 days! So much to do!

Holiday traditions are HUGE in my family, and by huge, I mean I force my entire family to carry on traditions for the sole reason of: "Because it's tradition!!" (I know I'm not the only one who does this.)

But the one stressful tradition of the Holidays always comes at the end of the season, you know what I'm talking about. Fucking New Years. When the presents have been opened, the Christmas movies (Elf) have been watched repeatedly and you have gained the obligatory 15 pounds of weight from the pumpkin pie and leftover stuffing, you are forced to squeeze your fat bod into a tight, sequined bodycon dress and pretend your having a good time all while wondering who you're going to kiss at midnight. (Hint: You will kiss your best friend on the cheek after you both look at each other and laugh while saying, "Maybe next year!") This year I'm going to have ZERO expectations for New Years other than ultimate comfort while still managing to look decent. And getting slam bam drunk, of course.

Below are a few tips for New Years dressing, from an expert who has donned every type of cliche NYE dress imaginable.

Option 1: Long Sleeves! I mean the bottom of this is obviously not an option (seriously, what is that? A napkin?), but wearing long sleeves means you won't have to freeze your ass off while bar hopping trying to find the hottest guys in town.
Option Two: White! Because everyone else will be in black.

Option 3: Long dresses! This adds warmth and you will stand out from all the skanks in minidresses who you recognize from high school but will definitely not be having a conversation with. (Unless you're trashed, then you will be best friends)

Option 4: Say "Fuck it" and REALLY stand out by just wearing a giant sweater dress. (My personal favorite option)
Option 5: Completely conform. And wear all of the cliches I previously mentioned about NYE dresses. (Not suggested.)

Option 6: Sequined pants. Always a crowd pleaser.

Option 7: Sequin top with trousers. It says "I like to party" But "I'm not a slut."

Option 8: And last but not least, the "Whatever, I'll just be a slut. Chances are the drunk men will respond well to it" outfit. Warning: booty dancing will in fact mean your ass will be flashed to the entire bar in this number. You've been warned.

Let me know which one you guys favor.

1 comment:

  1. I like the long sleeves idea. I was thinking of doing that in a color instead of black. Long-sleeved mini dress? Bad idea or good? Give me advice fashion god.