Proud to Not Be Married or Engaged or Bearing Children

I honestly can't remember the last time I laughed as hard as I did yesterday with a quote from my high-larious roommate. Let me play the scene out for you- We are laying on our awesomely comfy couch watching Dancing With The Stars (aka pointing out how horribly awkward Nancy Grace's boobs are and commenting on how Carson Kressley is a-freaking-dorable).

Jules checks her phone and updates me on a Facebook "friend's" status. It went something like this: "SO happy little James finally went on the big boy toilet. No more diaper changes or wittle accidents! This is such a great day!" (Or something close to that, my memory is god awful.)

We both instantly started laughing hysterically. On a daily basis, she and I have a hard time keeping our own lives in check, but hearing someone announcing to all of their "friends" (80% strangers) on Facebook about their kid taking a #1 or #2 in a toilet was just too much.

I'm sure at some point my life will revolve around someone else and instead of announcing to my Facebook and Twitter friends that hangovers are real and can still be lurking on a Tuesday at 4 pm, I'll be telling people that my baby just burped or puked or something and I'm excited it's not on my new Chloe bag. (Because if I can afford a child, I sure as hell will be buying myself some nice clothes/accessories). But until that happens, I want to take this time to celebrate being young, rebellious and most importantly only responsible for one human being in this world. (And I'm not even that good at that.)

As an ode to singleness, this is a list of what you should be doing fashion-wise while you are young enough to pull it off:

1. A great outfit shot in a weird location. This might seem like a stretch, but good luck pulling off a dress like this in a ballet room when you have a couple kids. They will totally try to steal the attention and do their own pirouettes. Show offs.
2. Adults sit neatly on couches and worry about ruining the upholstery. Young adults don't give a fuck about putting their boots on the couch. Enjoy this time in life.

3. Take this time to experiment with fashion. Looking like a loony with 4 different prints, 20 colors and 500 bracelets will only look fashionable for a short time in your life.

4. Shoot to Paris, throw on red gloves with shorts, pose by the Eiffel Tower and then have sex with a guy who you doesn't speak a word of English. Or just do the first three. But the last one would make for a great story.

5. Wear white as much as possible. Forget those stupid Labor Day/Memorial Day rules. Rules are meant to be broken.

6. Pull off some absurd fashion accessories like flowers on your head. Because let's be honest, you always wanted to be a flower girl and none of your asshole cousins ever got married in the right time frame for you to be one. And you're still bitter about it.

7. Bra tops. And lots of them. All the time.
8. Scary spiky jewelry. Not the best for picking up children. Luckily, you don't have any.

9. The occasional cig. Definitely a no-no when other's health is of concern. Actually it's bad for you too. Don't smoke. And if you see me smoking, tell me to stop. (I won't listen to you).

10. Last, but not least, drink a cocktail in a robe alone in your apartment. Having those moments of alone time where you are enjoying an alcoholic beverage and the only thing you have to worry about is what to wear out that night are the best times you will have. Play loud music. Dance around. Responsibility is highly overrated.


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